| Waffle: | I could only find diet soda in stock. Would that be an acceptable substitute to regular soda? |
| Freya: | Waffle, do you know why it’s called diet soda? |
| Waffle: | Yes. It is called diet soda due to the lessened amount of calories and sugar. Resulting in a healthier beverage. |
| Freya: | Wrong! It’s called diet soda cause the taste makes you wanna die! |
| Waffle: | Would you like to go to a different location in search of soda? |
| Freya: | Yeah just give me a sec, sitting on you is hard work! I feel I deserve a drink! |
| Waffle: | Did you not just say diet soda makes you wish that you were dead? |
| Freya: | Good thing I’m already dead then hehe! |
| Freya: | Bleh! How can something so divine be reduced to this!? It’s like if they saw the wheel and thought, “we can make this better” then turned it into a square! That’s it, Waffle, we’re putting an end to this mockery of soda kind. |
| Waffle: | How do you intend on doing that? |
| Freya: | Mwha ha ha! Do you see this my robot friend? |
| Waffle: | The can is directing you to take a survey? |
| Freya: | Exactly! Everyone always ignores the surveys so surely my feedback will end their reign of carbonated crap! |
| Waffle: | Firstly, everyone is dead and production is at a halt. Secondly, the internet is down making it impossible to take the survey. |
| Freya: | Ha! Did you really think I didn’t take that into account! We are going to send them a paper letter! |
| Waffle: | No human will ever read it, and how will you deliver it without the post office? |
| Freya: | You’re too narrow minded, what if aliens ever find this planet and restart the diet soda factory? If only they saw my note it could’ve been avoided. And we don’t need the post office! We have something even better, this balloon! |
| Waffle: | You intend on sending the note with a balloon? That is illogical. |
| Freya: | Think about it? Diet soda is an affront to god, so surely he’ll deliver this letter to the factory! |
| Waffle: | That is illogical. |
| Freya: | So is the existence of diet soda! Now, help me come up with something to write! Oh! I think I’ve got it! |
| Freya: | I’ll entitle it, “Freya’s kickass manifesto against the production of the sinister (Die)t soda”. Pretty catchy right? |
| Waffle: | I would recommend the title, “Letter of complaint”. |
| Freya: | That’s so boring! Trust me, when they see “Freya’s kickass manifesto” they’ll be too curious to not read it! |
| Freya: | Now let’s write, “To whoever finds this letter, you bare the burden of reporting this to all who shall listen. A sin is being manufactured here and its name is diet soda. As a consumer of multiple liters of soda a day, I the lushious Freya, crown myself as the authority on all things soda. Trust me, all the water in my body has been replaced with soda, however today the venomous diet variant entered my bloodstream. I have tried to ignore it, but my thirst got the best of me and I was FORCED to consume it. What a vile concoction that has been made. It is an error upon the earth that must be ERADICATED! I urge you to either convert the factory to one that produces regular soda, or if that cannot be done, you must tear down your factory and bury all traces of diet soda. You must burn all the recipes and ensure no further diet poison will be manufactured in the future. And finally you must recall and EXTERMINATE all diet soda left in the wild! If you fail to heed my warning, I will personally haunt you and force you to drink diet soda until you give into ALL my demands. Anyways, thanks for making the good soda too! It makes my tummy fat and happy! |
| Freya: | Warm regards, Freya” |
| Freya: | How do you think that sounds? |
| Waffle: | It sounds threatening. I suggest you lighten your language so the letter can be taken more seriously. |
| Freya: | Hehe, so you’re saying it’s sure to scare them and get their attention! Perfect! They must understand the gravity of their actions! Now, Waffle, can you get my balloon? |
| Waffle: | Here you go. |
| Freya: | Thanks! Now we just tie this here and wala! Let’s step outside and let god take care of the rest. |
| Waffle: | I thought you did not believe in a higher power. |
| Freya: | I don't, but I know the universe is on my side when it comes to the extinction of diet soda! |
| Freya: | Fly my letter! Be free! It’s up to you now! |
| Freya: | You feel that Waffle? |
| Waffle: | No. |
| Freya: | It’s the winds of change. For I have made history and saved the soda industry! Mwa ha ha ha! Hear me all diet soda! Your days are numbered! For when this letter reaches the factory, you will all be recalled and destroyed! |
| Waffle: | The letter and balloon are now stuck in a tree. |